Reported a Rape, discharged under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-United States Air Force

By Melissa, United States Air Force

I guess it is only fair that I start of with a description and background of myself. I am 5’1, weighed around 110 pounds at the time working as a medic in the Air Force. I grew up in a tiny town in New Hampshire. We did not have a lot of money, for most of my life I was raised by a single mother who had me when she was a teenager.  Up until recently it was just me and her. We were very, very close. We did not have much money for college and I enlisted in the Air Force in 2003 at the age of 18 during the summer after high school mainly to pay for college. Since 10th grade I was openly Gay and everyone was always cool with it from my friends from New Hampshire to my comrades in the Air Force. Even during the period of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell nobody that I was working with directly cared, I was very well liked and my work was superb so they never made a big deal about it. The folks that I was serving with were at first some of the greatest people ever, aside from just comrades we were also best friends and hung out on liberty and even went on leave together. We had fun, perhaps a little too much fun. I had Christmas duty and we were all just goofing around listening to Christmas carols and playing stupid games cause after the morning rush the clinic was pretty much dead. We decided to let some leave early (against policy but we did it anyway) and since I was the only one that did not have any plans for Christmas, I was not going back to New Hampshire nor did I have any family in Colorado so I volunteered to stay in case anybody came in.

After they left a Colonel walked in as I was in the waiting area watching TV bored and asked where everyone was and I did not want to lie to him so I said that I was the only one on duty. I asked if there anything that I can help him with and he said “no, just came in to see how you are doing.” He kept me company and I was so bored that I was willing to talk to anyone. We talked about New Hampshire and his Air Force career and his daughters. The clinic was going to close at 1630 and it was around that time so I said that I am closing up. We said goodbye and I went to turn off the lights and to get my belongings from the back room. He came back, found me in an exam room as I was there closing up and pushed me on to the exam table and raped me.

Right after it happened I sent a text to my mother. She called me right away and told me to go to a civilian hospital. I was crying telling her that I wanted her to be here and she promised to be on the next flight to Colorado. I did as she suggested and went to the hospital and a rape kit was performed. I sent several text messages to my friends in Colorado and only two responded. One came to the hospital and then stayed with me the night because I was afraid to be left alone. We did call the SARC number and nobody responded (they were suppose to answer it 24/7) but we did leave a message. The next day my mother came and the SARC returned my phone call. I was assigned a Victim Advocate and AFOSI was contacted.

My next duty day I went to the clinic and by then everyone knew what happened. Those which whom I considered my friends did not return my text message saying that I was raped and when I went to the clinic they all ignored me. Only two people still spoke to me. After two weeks my mother left because she needed to go back home for work. I felt all alone. Everyone stayed as far away from me as they could just to not be associated with me. The women were the worse, with some women who I once considered friends betrayed me worse than even the men. They spread nasty rumors about me, calling me a slut and that I “slept with every man in the Air Force, all 330,000+ of them!” when in reality I am a lesbian that never been (consensually) with a man. They even said that I had sex with my male friend the night that I was raped cause he stayed with me and when I tried to explain that we did not have sex and he only stayed with me cause I felt unsafe they said that I am lying and a slut. BTW he was also Gay but I could not say that cause he was only out to me because he knew that I’ll understand and he was very career-oriented and did not want anything to ruin his career in the Air Force.

After a year and a half AFOSI came back and said that yes, they found evidence on the rape kit that there was sexual intercourse HOWEVER after interviewing the Colonel they concluded that the sex was consensual. I flipped out, why would I a lesbian in her early 20s consent to have sex with a male who is more than twice her age-and not to mention an entire foot taller than me and weighed more than twice my weight. The Colonel was clearly against the weight requirements to stay in but cause of his rank he was still around and here I was 5’1, 110 pounds why would I consent to sex with him? That basically what I told them. Within two weeks I was being discharged for violation for Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Nothing happened to the Colonel. Even if it was consensual as they said that it was, the Colonel was married so charge him for adultery. I was a lower ranking enlisted personnel, charge him with fraternization. Fucking charge him with something. They had no problem discharging me for homosexuality but the heterosexual sex in their opinion was still consensual. He is still in.

I do not think that I ever officially thanked my mother for being there for me. She made numerous trips to Colorado on every time she could get off from work. It was very difficult for her financially as well as emotionally as it often is for family members having to watch their loved ones go through this. I love you mom.Military Sexual Trauma is not just something that an individual is dealing with but the entire family is also suffering through the pain. When you see the woman in your unit who is being revictimized for being raped remember she has a family somewhere who is worried about her and praying that she does not end up being like one of the many women who were found murdered by our military men; Lavena Johnson, Maria Lauterbach, Tina Priest, Keisha Morgan just to name a few.

Right now I work full time with Military Sexual Trauma survivors and going to school on the GI Bill to be a psychologist. I sometime flirt with the idea of re-enlisting since DADT has been repealed because even after all that happened I still LOVE the Air Force. They just need a better way to deal with the sexual assaults and rape allegations.

12 thoughts on “Reported a Rape, discharged under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-United States Air Force

  1. Melissa,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is an honor knowing you and working with you. You are a very brave woman and an admiration to so many.


  2. I am sorry that this has happened to you. This sucks. You have made a great deal of good come from this awful nightmare.
    The best test of character is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you.
    I think that you have aced that test!

  3. I have a similar story, in regards to being shunned by the command. I was a victim of drug facilitated rape. I was told yesterday that my case was closed because the DNA collected from my rape kit was not a match to the 4 people they tested it on. The military tried to NJP me for the events surrounding the case. I refused and requested Court Martial. I am now awaiting Administrative Separation because they refused me trial. I did everything I was supposed to do. The E-7 and above were the ones fueling the rumors of me making up my rape. It has been a witch hunt for almost a year while the NCIS did their investigation. The JAG told me “there is no evidence of a sexual assault” I responded “What about the DNA found, my permanent scaring and disfigurement courtesy of my rapists, and not to mention all the psychiatrists and psychologists that have said I show every sign of a rape victim” I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and Hyper-hysteria. For the rest of my life I will have to live with what happened to me, and now when I apply for a job and they see my discharge and ask why I got that type of discharge, I will have to relive it all over again!

  4. Melissa, I am very proud of you for surviving what you went through and coming out an even stronger person. Rape is a very serious crime that is up there with murder. The way that the military is dealing with rape allegations is completely unacceptable and not needed. These kids signed up to serve their country and instead are being raped and then continued to be victimized over and over again by the same people who are suppose to protect them. -Mom

  5. This is fucked up. I can think of a whole lot of charges that he should be charged with. You did say he probably over the weight limit to serve. It is the Good Ol’ Boy network protecting him from a weight discharge to a rape prosecution.

  6. Melissa, Not trying to sound selfish but I am glad that the Air Force let you go cause otherwise I wouldn’t have met you. The Air Force lost a very hardworking and bright woman but their loss is my gain. Kelli

  7. When I turned my boss in sexual issues, everbody I knew stepped away from me. I worked in the bae chapel. I know how difficult it is to recover from it. Keep up the the fight for all of us.


  8. I joined the U.S.A.F. at 17 turned 18 in Basic, Lackland I was raped while stationed at UpperHeyford, U.K.. I suffered severe trauma which required multiple surgeries to repair the damage after the rape. After the 1st surgery I took emergency leave, I was going AWOL, got back to the states and returned to U.K. was told to not to go AWOL, by close relative. I had my second surgery and went on a Kama Kazi nose dive. Lost my career the VA has just rated my disfigurement and scars at 0%. I appealed and hope to show the DRO my scars, weather they want to see them or not, via pictures or pull my pants down during the hearing. I want them to remember that portion of my anatomy, I want them to have nightmares for the rest of their f-in lives. I want them to think of me when ever they take a crap. I still can’t believe I was given a General Under Honorable after all the hell I raised. The word needs to go out never again. My PTSD is so severe I attempted to push a guys nose cartilage into his forehead for touching me just before my C&P for PTSD and broke my hand. I loved the U.S.A.F. F-16, F-111, and F-4, hated the racism, bigotry, sadist, bastards. I feel like that pilot in Independence Day, “Hey Boys I’m Back”. O.k. just a perspective from a gay male former U.S.A.F. Airman. I went on to be on the Dean’s List of every college attended, I hate the Male MST program from the V.A. it only makes me angrier when asked stupid questions, I even had a V.A. pharmacist ask me did I experience MST while in the military. WTF! did she just ask me that? why would she ask me that? can’t she see my medical records. It is like the military gets some sort of sick touch myself thrill by asking this question after all I have been through. The SMR speak for themselves now f–in deal with it. Now I am going to f–in light up a big joint and wait for this meeting. That’s all.

  9. F the disability rating I want my rank, my retirement, my life to be made whole, I want to kill those British bastards that did that to me I want to go on a seek and destroy mission. I wish I could remember the house where I was taken after being drugged, I wish I could remember the faces of those bastards. I would take my Glock and start from the feet, the knees and when they are looking at me in the eyes, begging not to to be shot I pull the trigger! I want them to see that bullet coming, and then I would plant the American Flag on their convulsing caucus and feel their soul drain into my hands, and rip out their f–in eyes and put them in my pocket and board a flight back to the U.S. and have a bloody steak dinner at the Four Seasons, and come back home and field strip my Glock, and Smith and Wesson clean it and get back on a G-5 and kill every f–in rapist in the world. When there is clear evidence of rape the military should be commanded to give me everything I lost career wise. Thank you for your service my a$$! Sigh! boy did I need to get that out.

  10. Bottom Line: Contact you local congressman. Go to their office, which shouldn’t be very far from your home, and ask to see/speak with him or her.
    Before you go, google that representative and know a little about them so they take you more seriously.
    Sexual assault with the militry has hit mainstream media and has recieved Congressional attention. They will listen and you will be heard. Things will move quickly at this point so be sure to have your records together, statements and case summary from OSI which they MUST give you upon request, memos typed up by yourself detailing each occurrence with your attackers AND relevant conversations with your superiors outlining your comments and their responses. Do your best to remember what you can for Dates and Times but put it in a typed format and sign it.
    After you gather ALL records/info, head to your Congressmans office. This WILL yield results. If not, call your U.S. Senator. BTW – If your case is found to be valid, you could file a lawsuit for your discharge. If your discharge was soley for being homosexual you have a really good chance of receiving very favorable results. This has started happening since DADT has been repealed. Do it ASAP. No matter how long it’s been

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