Sorry, my fault.

I was raped and they said that I wanted it then they said that I was lying then they went back to saying that I asked for it so I told them to make up their mind-Was my rape a lie or did I do something to ‘get myself raped’? and they went back to contradicting themselves; that I wanted it, that I am lying but I deserved it- then they discharged me from service.

That was how it went. That it how it always goes. Every survivor, every story. We are all told that we deserved what they think never happened. Cause you know we deserve being raped or being assaulted or being killed just cause we are the female

and we are the ones that chose to drink- but it okay for our comrade to spike it with GHB?

Our fault cause we are the ones that chose to go hiking with a shipmate-but it is okay when our shipmate throw us down on the trail, punch us in the face and rape us?

Our fault cause we are the ones that chose to use the latrine in the middle of the night – but it is okay when a fellow soldier follow us and rape us?

and we are the ones that are fulfilling every man’s fantasy of seeing a “hot woman with a rifle”.

Yep, our fault.

Cause we wanted to serve our country, cause we been raped and beaten–or killed.

Our fault cause we are young or lower ranked or pretty.

Our fault cause we chose a career that is male-dominant.

Our fault that our shipmates, our comrades, the very men that we signed up to take a bullet for choose to rape us instead.

Never mind you did say that–we are all liars, right?

that we are just out to ruin a man’s career-cause you know we signed up to defend our country, attend basic training, MOS training, deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan or out at sea for months without seeing our families, get raped just because we wanted to RUIN A PRECIOUS MAN’S CAREER. Yep, that is exactly why we walked into a recruiter office when we were 18NOT.

Or we are lying out of regret and remorse for “getting drunk and sleeping around” cause you know, it is our fault for being drugged, after all you did consent when you are passed out from being given a date rape drug, right? Well not exactly.

When we watch our rapists be set free with nothing more than an Article 15, it is our fault for not receiving justice, cause after all you claim to have a “zero-tolerance policy“so if we did not receive justice it is something that we have done wrong even when about ninety-percent of all accused rapists never see their day in court?

and when we are found dead you claim it is suicide, cause a 5’1 woman can shoot herself with an 40 inch long M16, cause it is still our fault when we are no longer breathing for doing what is physically the impossible?

Ninety-two percent of sexual assault survivors report being INVOLUNTARILY DISCHARGED FROM SERVICE FOR REPORTING A SEXUAL ASSAULT but it is the man’s career that matters? Cause we are the ones with “personality disorders” and “adjustment disorders” or whatever the bogus misdiagnoses is of the week.

Cause it is the man’s military and a woman has no place in it, right?

One in three females in the military report being sexually assaulted, so are we all liars or are we all sluts or maybe, just maybe the thousands of women that reported rape in the military were telling the truth?

my fault for thinking that the military actually cared about its sexual assault survivors. sorry.


Written by Panayiota, United States Coast Guard


14 thoughts on “Sorry, my fault.

  1. I am writing a book that explores two perpetrators who thought that their status as male veterans made them above the law.

  2. My fault for going into my company commander’s office when I was called! What an irresponsible recruit I was for listening to my CC! 😉

  3. My fault for having to use the latrine and didn’t use the buddy system. I mean what was I thinking? be able to take a piss without being raped? silly me.

  4. I was raped while on watch mid-watch. Of course it was my fault. I shouldn’t have stood watch at the time that I was assigned to do so! Yes, they actually did blame me for it.

    1. I know Sarah, the same happened to one of my shipmates. she went to Captain’s Mast for it.

      1. I was drugged at a bar (I took the drink straight from the bartender) and “disappeared” for hours. I called a friend begging for a ride to the hospital (even when I was drugged I knew something happened, luckly I do not remember the assault now, except for my dreams) I was found by the police driving to the hospital. I was charged with DUI. The Navy does not believe me. They left me in jail for 13 hours. And had me wait hours before finally taking me to the hospital for a rape kit. DNA was found, and still, they say “There is no evidence of a sexual assault” NCIS investigated and tested only 4 people. They closed the case, I am not facing Admin Separation because I refused NJP and requested Court Martial for the DUI. They told me they would not pursue Court Martial but are pursuing Discharge. The SARC cares, but can only do so much. He is petitioning for me to stay in. But I told him, I don’t want to be apart of THIS NAVY! I only hope they give me Honorable.

  5. Yep. My fault that I was forced to consent or have the crap beaten out of me and be left naked laying front of the PX at my camp in Iraq.

  6. carri’s fault she was beat and raped and shipped home to die, oh they will pay, believe that! carri’s dad!

  7. Exactly! Its ridiculous what these men get away with. You are soldiers fighting for our country. You get deployed just like the men. You face heavy fire, you see your friends get injured or killed over there just like the men do. Or, unfortunately, there are women killed over there just like the men do but regardless of all of that. Regardless of doing the same exact work as the men. Regardless of risking your lives just the men do. It is still ok for them to rape you. For them to beat and abuse you and for them to get away with it. It is time for a damn reality check for these rapists and it is time for these idiotic higher ups to get their heads removed from their asses and start protecting our women soldiers who do the same exact effing job that the men do. Because the next time a female soldier gets attacked she might just attack back and then when they say she asked for it..she can say “well he asked to get his nuts sliced off”

  8. Absolutely brilliant post. Not that I expect anything less by something written by Panayiota. Semper Paratus shipmate.


  9. As long as there isn’t any equality bases it will always be the woman’s fault. After being ganged raped daily for months by 3 of my superiors trying to report it I had the Army theme song sang to me, told that’s why I joined the Army and being told I brought it on myself I all but gave up. A few times I thought fighting back would end it and it seemed to please them more. It didn’t matter what I did they wanted more. When I became pregnant the 2nd time after loosing te first I was ordered to get a D&C when I refused they boosted me right out of the Army. To this day I hear all of the same except having the Army theme song sang to me.

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