I am not doing well. Ever since the allegations about Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter sexually assaulting and raping a woman in 1984 was finally made public my emotions has been at an all time high. I checked myself into an intense residential program for rape survivors where everyday I had to talk about the monster that raped me and the monsters that covered up my rape, which includes Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter.
I am NOT Gen. Carter’s victim. I want to make that loud and clear. Who I am was a soldier that was raped while serving with the Massachusetts Army National Guard. I was a soldier that had to watch her rapist walk away scotch free. The man that raped me and almost killed me were treated as the victim and I was told that I was at fault for no reason other than because I am a woman and should not have been walking alone. You read that right, I am a woman and therefore because I took the risk of walking ALONE I was at fault for being raped. I was not out partying. I was not out drinking. I was simply walking alone-in uniform-when he grabbed me and raped me.
My victim advocate, SARC whatever you want to call her was career-oriented. As a result she cared more about pleasing the command, making the MANG look squeaky clean and problem less that she would step over anyone that might have any dirt on the Massachusetts National Guard, including me—I certainly had dirt on the Massachusetts National Guard—I knew of a soldier serving with MANG that is a rapist. As a result of her covering up rapes and making the MANG “look good” she was rewarded with the SARC of the year award.
She made me look crazy, my investigation magically “went missing” and she praised to all how Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter “cares so much about rape survivors. She alleged that Gen. Carter wants all at MANG to take rape seriously. MANG has a zero-tolerance policy. General Carter is making sexual assault prevention a priority!” Wait hold on, you mean the same Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter that just this week was forced into retirement because it have been found that there was probable cause that he abused his rank and power to sexually abuse a woman? Correct. Same guy.
While the National Guard knew of the allegations all along the SARC and others wanted to convince everyone that advocated for me and other sexual assault and rape survivor that Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter actually cares about rape survivor. Yep, exactly why my rape investigation was lost. Cared about rape survivors that you blame a woman for getting herself raped because she walked alone? Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter cared so much about rape and sexual assault survivors that he was forced into retirement for sexually assaulting a woman!
When the SARC deployed she was replaced by I believe a 1st Lt. What I knew most about her is at what intervals I should hand her a tissue as she used my time that was suppose to be used to help me with MY rape and get ME resources and help so she can vent about how she “just got married and her husband was deployed” boo ho sorry to hear that but remember me? I was the one that was raped and you are the SARC that should help me get resources. Well, she did was recommended a yoga group for COMBAT VETERANS-MOSTLY MEN aka male combat veteran just like my freaking rapist.
Of course she also let me know how Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter cared so much about rape survivor. Did you know that at one point the Massachusetts National Guard alleged that they had the best sexual assault prevention program in the ENTIRE NATION because Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter cared so much about women like me? That was until there was an outside investigation done on the Massachusetts National Guard that found that the 24-hour hotline listed on their website is actually not 24-hour and the emails that a survivor can email victim advocates were indeed false and made up. Fake email addresses given to survivors to report rape, the emails are later bounced back and never read. How many victims were not able to report a rape because the contact information on the official Massachusetts National Guard website was incorrect? The Massachusetts National Guard refuses to help any victim that was misguided or was not able to report an assault because contact information to the proper authorities were false. In case that did not make any sense to you let me reiterate. Massachusetts National Guard posted fake email addresses on their website telling victims if they need help to contact the fake email addresses! Victims had their emails bounced back to them unread and undeliverable.
My rapist has been promoted since he raped me. He is on his way to a prosperous career within the Massachusetts National Guard. The Massachusetts National Guard still claims to have the best sexual assault prevention and response program in the entire country.
I was forced out for reporting a rape. I had fought for years to be able to receive services at the VA. Only recently was I granted permission to go to the VA for my treatment for PTSD. Maj. Gen. Joseph C. Carter has been forced into retirement. He will be collecting $86,000+ a year of our taxes as a reward for his hard work in covering up sexual assaults and rapes; including his own.
S.K, United States Marine Corps
I reported to my first duty station in Hawaii and met an NCO from my unit. He invited me to a bbq to meet other marines from my unit and I accepted. I didn’t drink, so I was offered a soda.. 3/4th through the drink,I began to not feel good. I tried to go outside for air but could not walk. The NCO and 4 other marines forced me down the hall into a small room. I passed out and came to many times. All of the 5 men were raping me as I was unable to move or stop them. They kept me at the house from Friday through Sunday, beating, torturing, threatening to kill me.
Anonymous, United States Coast Guard
I am in desperate need for some help. I reported my rape and it went nowhere. I was told that there were not enough creditable evidence to bring this case to trial. They have separated the two of us and I am safe from him. My problem is since my allegations came back as not having enough creditable evidence to bring the case to trial I am being viewed as a liar. I am called a nut case and a liar every single day often by CWO and a Captain.
Yes, I made some mistakes that I am beating myself up for such as not going immediately to the hospital and waiting some time before reporting it. I was scared. According to the CWO and the Captain the reason why I took so long to report it was because I was making a plan to lie. I did NOT lie. I can’t stress that enough. After the rape my rapist told me that if I told anyone that he’ll kill me. It was not until I felt suicidal and that I no longer could keep it in that I finally told somebody. I did not expect the allegation to go anywhere when I did report it but I needed help and needed to get away from him. It went unrestricted because I told some friends that are also in the Coast Guard wanting their advice on what I should do and support to help me report it. Since I told people it automatically because unrestricted and they had to investigate it.
I requested some time off from my Chief so that I can attend a counseling session in town. He told me that he doesn’t know why I still go to counseling since it was determined that it was a false allegation. He forbid me time off to attend counseling.
I am an E-3. How can I stop the bullying from those much higher ranking than me? They are slandering my name, tearing me apart and everyone believes them over me because of their rank and position with the Coast Guard.
This is much worst than even the rape. Can someone offer me some advice?
DM, United States Air Force
I am currently NYANG AGR..(full time guard). The weekend of the end of April I went on a drinking and anti-depressants and Ambien binge. my life was flashing before my eyes and I needed it to end. I ended up as a non-voluntary admit on the Psych Unit of the Syrace NY VA Hospital. (they were wonderful)
I enlisted in the Air Force in 1977, I went to Chanute AFB for Avionics School. I was having some difficulty with the class, a SNCO in Training called me in to counsel me. After a get to know you conversation, he said it was a rough day, “how bout I get you some chow off base?” I gladly said yes. Fast forward..he offered a quid pro quo..he could get me assigned to another base immediately OJT, no Tech School. All I would need to do is provide him with oral sex. I was 18…from a single parent home, welfare, etc. I complied, after a couple of weeks I received orders for my base and new AFSC.
Move on to 1980, I was the first female on Diyarbakir AS Turkey. Had many problems there, and after much pleading with the Chaplain…got assigned to Incirlik AB Turkey. I worked mainly 3-11 shifts. This was during the Iranian Hostage Crisis, and Turkey was under military rule. One evening on my way back to my dorm after my shift, I was jumped, pulled behind one of the huts and raped by a turkish soldier. I immediately walked to the base hospital and reported the rape. I was fairly well cared for at the hospital, they did what seemed like a rape kit, I spoke with Security Forces and they said they would take care of it. two months later, hearing nothing and having a really difficult time…
I spoke with the Doctor on duty, I was feeling really crappy. I was pregnant. I went to my First Sgt and broke down, he was extremely non-supportive. I should have known better than to walk alone, I culd have fought him off cause the Turks were small, was I sure that was what really happened? I demanded he speak with security forces to see where the investigation was going or I was going to file with the IG. About two weeks later I was offered a discharge due to pregnancy. I was so beaten, I felt so let down, that I accepted it.
Fast forward to 2008…I found my military stuff from back then including my health records. The pages from the rape exam were gone. I didn’t look at them when I was doing all my discharge paperwork. The past two years I have been battling depression and anxiety by myself. Self medicating with alcohol..finally spoke with my Primary Care Dr. and got sleeping pills and anti anxiety meds….four days of my life are gone, I have no recollection, but through counseling I cme to see what my problems have been, where my depression and behavior comes from. However, it has been so long, and added stressors at work…I am now just paralyzed. I’m still in the service but on admin duties, I don’t fit in, have no friends, just my husband..he has been fairly supportive but I have done many bizarre things over the years, that he is fairly numb too.
I will be 53 in a few weeks and I am just so exhausted. Thirty plus years, and I can’t recover. My substance abuse counselor thinks I have PTSD/MST..but there is no record of the assault..he put in into my records with the VA. But you know what? it really doesn’t matter. I don’t believe I will ever like myself, ever really trust anyone, ever feel whole….
HS2 Federico Sanchez was on officer of the day duty when he thought it would be funny to further victimize a rape survivor. According to the rape survivor she was invited on base for a meeting, followed all necessary steps including being on an approved guest list and provided a valid government ID. After realizing that the woman invited on base was a rape survivors that his friends/shipmates helped cover up her rape he did all in his power to further victimize her.
Rape survivors in the Coast Guard often don’t just have one victim-blaming act committed against them. It is often dozens of small act of abuse that do have life long psychological consequences for the rape survivor. It also builds an environment of intimidation that might defer others from reporting a rape.
This blame-the-victim culture at Coast Guard Base Boston needs to stop before more members of the U.S Coast Guard are punished for reporting a rape. All these small acts of making the victim be punished for reporting a rape do add up to a culture of intimidation.
Calls to HS2 Federico Sanchez were never returned. Electronic communications from Active Duty coasties that witness to the event confirm that forbidding the rape survivor to attend a meeting that she was invited to was because she is a rape survivor.
Our Coast Guardsmen and women deserve better. Time to fix the Coast Guard.
written by M.O
Monica, United States Army
I am an MST survivor. I went into the Army because I thought it would be cool to wear a uniform and serve my country. Little did I know what would happen after Basic Training, in Ft Lee, Virginia. I had an off post weekend. My battle buddy and I went to a hotel with a bunch of other battle buddies and hung out for the night. I had gotten my own room also. My battle buddies husband was coming to meet her at the hotel. I was single and not looking for a guy. My battle buddy thought it would be cute to hook me and her husband’s friend (also in the Army) up.
We all four went out to dinner at Applebees Restaurant. Everyone was drinking except me. We all finished eating dinner. We went back to the hotel. I was just hanging out with my battle buddy and her husband. She then wanted “alone personal time” with her husband, so I went in my room to hangout. My battle buddy’s, husband’s battle buddy was also just hanging out. He asked me if we could go into my room to just watch TV while they were doing “their” thing.
We were just sitting on the bed watching Law and Order SVU. He had had a couple beers at Applebees, then proceeded to have several more in my room. I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to drink any. He started to get belligerent. He got on the bed and started touching me. He put his hand on my breasts and started squeezing them. He was really getting excited. He started to make noises, kiss my neck. I felt really uncomfortable. He told me I liked it and that this was normal. He called it fore-play. I was completely disgusted. He then said he had to pee. I was happy because he finally got off of me. About 3 minutes later he came out of the bathroom….butt naked! I was a virgin at the time, so I was totally shocked. He jumped on the bed started to take off my shirt, I got really angry and started yelling NO!!! He acted like he wasn’t listening to me. He then told me to take off my shirt otherwise he would do it for me. So I did what he said (by this time he was getting angry that I wasn’t cooperating). I was getting scared cuz he started to yell. I fear when people yell at me or around me. I started to cry because I was scared. I didn’t know what to do except tell him no. I didn’t want to have sex. He still wasn’t listening. He told me to take off my jeans and underwear. I was starting to shake and cry even more. He then pinned me to the bed with his arms and shoved his penis in to my vagina. I screamed like there was no tomorrow. He was totally having a good time. I was so angry, I didn’t know what to do. It went on for a while that I started to feel numb, I completely disassociated. I didn’t know what else he was doing. I then came to when he was done. He walked back into the bathroom, got dressed and said this was fun, and walked out of my hotel room. I was lying there completely naked and traumatized. I felt so violated!! I then threw my clothes back on, left and took a cab back to my barracks. I didn’t care if I had paid for the hotel room for the night, I booked it outta there. I got back to my barracks.
I then went immediately to my drill sergeant, and told him what happened. He looked at me like I was stupid. He started to ask me questions of what happened. I didn’t know what to tell him. He was a male. I was so scared. He was in authority of me so I had to tell him I was raped in a hotel. He then got on the phone and called SART (Sexual Assault Response Team) and told them that he had a private who claimed she was raped. A man from the team came out and talked to me. SART wanted me to go with them to the hospital in their car. No way was I going. I was not about to put myself in a vehicle with a man to go to the hospital. I refused treatment because of that. He had me sign a bunch of papers and went on his way.
I went to the barracks and took the longest shower of my life. In the middle of the night I started to have really bad cramps, I hurt so bad down there. I couldn’t sleep. I then had to wake up at 0400 to go do pt. I told them I couldn’t run, I wasn’t feeling well. I got yelled at for this. I then ended up going to sick hall and telling them about my pain and that I needed help. Once again, they looked at me like I was just being over dramatic and send me on my way. I was so angry that no one would listen. After my rape I started to have a really hard time, emotionally. I couldn’t focus, I was getting angry and yelling at my drill sergeants and other soldiers. My drill sergeant told me to go to CMHS (Community Mental Health System) to get evaluated! They thought I was crazy. I ended up talking to a psychologist and telling them what happened. Within a couple weeks, I was getting my papers to be discharged from the Army. They said I was unfit to be a soldier and that I was useless. I wasn’t allowed to deploy and not allowed to carry a weapon. They treated me like I had a psychical and mental handicap. I got on the plane home and found myself in homeless shelters, jobless and completely lost in this world. I was very angry, I started having more outbursts and completely shutting down. I wanted to kill myself. I felt like a reject, a nobody.
I went into the Army to serve my country and this is how I got treated. I had no goal in life, no family who accepted me. My family even blamed me for my rape. I ended up getting into a shelter that helped veterans and really cared about us. At the time I didn’t even think I was a veteran, I thought you had to do like 20 years and retire to be considered a veteran. Long story short, I got into my own apartment with the help of an uh-mazing social worker. I received a 100% service connected disability from the VA. I have a service dog, substantial amount of income each month, I’m receiving mental health assistance with the VA. Overall I would say that I am doing better than I was when I left the Army. I still have my emotional and mental struggles but I have so many MST sisters and professional help to assist me in my recovery that things are going to be ok. I really want to help other MST survivors get well, once I am well. I think it would help with my healing process.
Anonymous, United States Coast Guard
I am a male victim of sexual assault. I am stationed on an 87-foot patrol boat and our living quarters are really tight. I was sexually assaulted by another man that is of much higher rank than me just last month. I did not report it. The man that sexually assaulted me is married to a woman. I am confused as of why he did what he did. Ever since it happened I have trouble sleeping and being intimate with my girlfriend. I can’t report it because I know that it’ll end my career. I have personally witness women reporting rape and they were kicked out.
After posting The Coast Guard’s Response to talking about Sexual Assault We were forwarded this blog posting from the Officer Coast Guard blog at uscg.mil. I don’t think much explaining needs to be made. Below is a screenshot regarding a comment made on the Official Coast Guard blog in reference to Veterans’ Day. A Coast Guard rape survivor said that she’ll proudly be representing Coast Guard Veterans which was a huge accomplishment for her because being raped and like many survivors forced out of service for reporting a rape she had a difficult time coming to terms on calling herself a Veteran. As a result Christopher Lagan dismissed her pride for the service by calling her comments “an attack on the service”.
A Military Rape Crisis Center study estimates that 92% of all rape survivors are forced out of service. The United States Coast Guard continues to fall behind the other 4 military branches in how sexual assault cases are handled.
We believe that she sure is a Veteran. Thank you for your service.
written by M.O