Male sexual assault survivor in the Coast Guard.

Anonymous, United States Coast Guard
I am a male victim of sexual assault. I am stationed on an 87-foot patrol boat and our living quarters are really tight. I was sexually assaulted by another man that is of much higher rank than me just last month. I did not report it. The man that sexually assaulted me is married to a woman. I am confused as of why he did what he did. Ever since it happened I have trouble sleeping and being intimate with my girlfriend. I can’t report it because I know that it’ll end my career. I have personally witness women reporting rape and they were kicked out.

 

8 comments

  1. I am sorry about what happened to you. Sexual assault and rape is about power not sex. He did what he did to you not because of a sexual desire but because he is a very, very, very sick man.

  2. Dear Anonymous,

    You are courageous and we thank u for sharing your truth. We would like to encourage you and support you. My husband has been where you are. He is a survivor of MALE rape in our armed forces. If you would like to contact either of us we are in the process of creating a docu”MEN”tary about Male MST Military Sexual Trauma. Your are NOT alone and JUSTICE will not be DENIED.

    Best,
    Geri Lynn Weinstein-Matthews, MSW, LICSW
    fleabid@hotmail.com
    505-270-1575 Mountain Time

  3. I just wanted you to know that I think you are very brave, strong and you will get through this, why do I think that? You have already started healing by posting your story here! Whether it seems like a small step or a huge step you have started on the path of recovery, I certainly am not saying you will ever forget or not think about it even years from now but eventually you will be able to seperate that horrible incident and add it on your list of situations that make us who we are, under the bad experience side of course. Whatever you do from this time forward keep talking either here or with someone you trust completely you need to get your emotions out. It’s painful and very difficult but if you don’t it can change you into someone you don’t even recognize! I’m pround of you as I’m sure the others who have read this are too, and just remember one step at a time, there is no set time frame you need to abide by! Good luck and god bless

  4. Anonymous, I want you to know I am proud of you for coming forward and telling your story. You do not know how it has helped me. My story is below Richard US Army. We must stick together as a team and never let another person to every go through what we have and are still going through. We must demand our voices to be heard and even than we must keep fighting for the ones that will come from this day forward. As we both know it will happen again and again. You are a HERO to be brave enough to speak your voice. It will carry many miles and from one person to another to who knows where it will end up at. I promise you this that it has touched one person for sure. I have many questions myself that I will never get answers. As long as we can understand we are SURVIVORS now that is what counts the most. We are here to have this madness STOPPED. BE STRONG!!! Richard and Military Millie my service dog.

  5. Please seek therapy. Even if you do not report the incident you need to get medical help. A therapist is obligated to keep confidentiality. Talking about what happened us the first step to healing. The memory will never go away but knowing how to deal with what happened can make a huge difference. I reported my rape and was separated. I am now involved in a lawsuit against the Navy for their treatment after the fact. Male sexual assault victims are more likely to not report their assaults. Get all your medical paperwork taken care of so when you decide to get out you can file a claim with the VA for MST. You are not alone! It was not your fault!

  6. I was on an 87′ several years back and a woman reported that she was raped. The douchebag commanding officer, some 24 year old junior grade Academy puke asked the woman “did you want it”? Isn’t unwanted sex the very definition of rape? He said that since it’ll look bad for him that it will be best to not tell anyone and to say no next time so she won’t have any regrets. The problem with the Coast Guard is that it is being run by children.

  7. You are very brave to speak about it. I am a male victim as well. I am still in the Coast Guard. I was raped in 2004 by an Ensign when I was only an E-2. I told my girlfriend at the time (who was also in the Coast Guard) and she left me. She called me a fagot and did not want anything to do with me after the rape. After that I did not tell a sole until I found this page. Your story and the others on here helped me to be able to share my own story. I reached out for help and Stacey is helping me get counseling. I am speaking with a lawyer on Tuesday. I might even report it. I found my rapist on facebook. He is still in the Coast Guard, married and have two kids.

  8. Dear Little Brother Coastie,

    I am sorry. You ARE brave! The acts of someone against you should not make you fear of being separated… and that’s the dilemma all of us who are Victims or Survivors face. You might want to check with your closest Vet Center (not VA Hospital, but an outreach) to see if they have MST Counseling for men. You can talk with other male surivors and get support that way. I know that doesn’t help your situation, but it can help with your esteem.

    Someone I respect highly in the CG told me he was raped early in his career and never told a soul. He told me he was proud of me for becoming an Advocate. That was the biggest compliment I could ever have received from anyone. You need to do what’s best for YOU. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything to encourage him. He’s a selfish bastard, period. Doesn’t really help you, I know… but remember you matter. It’s hard for a victim to be intimate after a rape. That’s “normal”. Sucks, though. It will be difficult to talk to your girlfriend about it… but her imagination will make up the reasons you aren’t intimate… You certainly don’t need to feel abandoned if she can’t “deal” with it… so you are in a dreadful spot. Again, I am so sorry. You are understood here. You matter. Finding a support group specifically for male Service Members and/or Veterans will be very helpful.

    You can bet you are not the first or only one he’s victimized. No matter what REMEMBER you did nothing to deserve it. You matter. We’re here. We believe you.

    Love,

    Your Sea Sister, BM1 Elsa Nethercot (USCG, Retired)

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