Men are survivors too. Male soldier writes about surviving female-on-male rape.

Richard, United States Army

When you think of a Predator or Military Sexual Trauma (MST) you think women being raped by men. When you think of Male who has Military Sexual Trauma you think male on male rape. I am a Survivor I have Military Sexual Trauma (MST) PTST & no male has ever touched me.

I was an Active Duty Liaison during this time period. It was my supervisor who was a female “Civilian Employee” during the week and during the weekends she was the First Sergeant. She was in a position as a civilian that she used her higher rank & position to get what she wanted. Then the threats came in… but I had to report it after it took the best of me. Once I reported it to the military they didn’t remove her or change her position. If the role was reversed I as a male would have been moved that day no questions asked. But she got to stay while they investigated it.

I still remember it like it was yesterday, step by step. I want to stop thinking and dreaming about it but it is hard when the person who violated you works at the Dallas VA Hospital where I go for medical care and have been since 2007. I had her as a supervisor for another year and thoughts of suicide was in my head every time I came to work. She would harass and embarrassed me in from of my peers. My doctor put me on 2mg bars of Xanax, 280 pills a month. Then I became an addicted to them. Today I still have to take something for my anxiety; because I see her every time I go to the Dallas VA Hospital for medical appointments.

When I came off active duty I didn’t leave my house for over two years which means no medication for my injuries and Military Sexual Trauma or my Combat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was too scared to go to the Dallas VA to get treatment because I found out that she worked there. Yes, it has been over ten years and it still has a big impact on my life today. I was a broken down soldier and didn’t know what I was going to do or why I was still living. Today I still cannot sleep, have anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, and broken relationship with my fiancée who I had dated over five years. I became a work alcoholic and buried myself in my work. I felt ashamed like I did something wrong.

When I reported it not more than five minutes I received a phone call from both of our supervisor who started screaming at me as loud as she could over the phone. She kept telling me I was a lair and why would I do this to her. This went on for over 30 minutes I broken down over the phone & told her that I was telling the truth but she didn’t believe me. Once I got off the phone I went and told the head person in charge of the hold battalion during the week days. She was also my First Sergeant on the weekends which means she was using her military rank as in uniform during the weekends and during the week days she was in civilian position. She was what they called dual status reservist and civilian personnel and she was a predator. I had never in my life taken pills.

I was the Division Master Fitness Trainer. I was in excellent shape before I was transferred to this new unit because our other unit was deactivated. She was on me my first day there and I told her I was not interested. I kept my personal life away from my professional life separate. She would not take no for an answer and I didn’t know anyone in this unit or who I could trust or who would believe me. I mean come on a woman wants a man…most men would had jumped on it. That is what all the men kept telling me.

I had a perfect career and was on fast track up to this point. I was an E5 with 4 MSMs awards which this is unheard of in the military. When you hear of Military Sexual Trauma (MST) PTSD remember it’s not only females, or male on male rape. Women are part of this mess too and they will use their rank and position to get what they want. I will never forget the words she used after she was finished; I always get what I want. Of course, the much more important question here isn’t medical; it’s criminal. Can a woman rape a man? Yes. If someone does not agree to have sex with another and a sexual act is forced upon them, which is called rape. According to other statistics, at least 27 percent of men serving in the military are estimated to have suffered what psychologists call “military sexual trauma” which is either sexual assault, or repeated harassment and threatened assault.

I have been asking for Military Sexual Trauma MST treatment for male soldiers but they keep telling me I don’t qualified because mine was a female, not a male on male rape. There are only six programs in the USA for men who have been raped, SIX!!! I do not believe I would get any support for several years from the Dallas VA Hospital but they keep telling me do this first or take these pills. I have been given so many pills to take that I almost killed myself several times. This letter is in no disrespect to my fellow sister-in-arms back then and today, but I felt that my story needed to be told because I know it is still going on today and there are still women predators out there.

Finally, the act of persecuting the victim is dishonorable, and morally repugnant. This didn’t happen to me but I was threatened with it by her. It is true that the United States demands much of its service personnel. While military service is both an honor and a duty, and carries with it substantial risk to life and limb, the risk of sexual assault and abuse is one risk that no service member should fear. But with a third of all women and possibly a quarter of the men experiencing some type of sexual abuse, or trauma, it is clear that changes have to be made.

Richard and my Service Dog Military Millie

15 comments

  1. Richard I am sorry that you went thru that. I wish more men would stand up. I do know of a good MST program in Temple. My heart reaches for you because I have been there.

  2. Richard you are one of many brave males who are coming forward and talking about their stories. I even heard they are working on a movie about “Male Rape in the Military”. I think it is called “JUSTICE DENIED” A Film by Michael l. Miller and Geri L Weinstein Matthews.

    I want you to know how proud I am of you to be able to be brave and talk about your story. You will never know how many people you are going to touch; males and females. As a survivor myself I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing up and talking about an issue where many who believes that it’s not real. I am too so sorry this happen to you. You are my “HERO” again thank you very much.

    Andrea

  3. Hello Richard. I’m sorry you had to go through this experience. I was also raped while on active duty. A male Marine tried to force himself on me and I was barely able to fight him off as I was intoxicated at the time.

    A local female civilian, however, was able to rape me via a drugged drink and blackmail. She counted on my silence to help cover up her crime. Thank you for joining the growing ranks of vocal male survivors.

    Over the years since I began to speak out, I’ve been told repeatedly that I was “lucky’, that “women don’t rape” and “men can’t be raped.”

    I doubt that I was her only victim. I’ve written about it online here:

    http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/ive-got-the-t-shirt-and-the-trauma-response-to-go-with-it/

    http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3854/79/

    http://jameslandrith.com/content/category/8/181/79/

  4. Richard I’m so sorry, same thing happened at my unit, my friend was advancing and was to scared to say anything about our XO, who was in the first class that allowed women in the Coast Guard Acedemy, she sat on his desk or carressed his shoulders all day she didn’t care who saw, and he asked us not to tell. I am very sorry to all the men and women, myself included, I have faith your pain will fade, but, I also know that at 54 it still impacts my life, not as much, so get busy, find some tools, and remember Karma is a bitch!

  5. hi, so sorry to hear about this

    i know at first this may go against certain biases/conventions in our society, but you should seriosuly look into the work that has been done with MDMA and PTSD. I KNOW it can really help you because i have been there.

    much love

  6. Thank you Richard for sharing your story, and I hope that your story will help lead to positive changes in helping prevent crimes like this and/or for better care for victims of these crimes.

  7. You are very brave in coming out about your experiences, Richard. Thank you for sharing your story – It rises awareness to men that they should speak out, and also to society as a whole that strong, heterosexual men can also find themselves victim to rape. It could affect any one of us. I have quoted your case in my blog post on male rape, and linked to your post. I hope this is ok with you? If not, I will remove it immediately. The post can be found here:

    http://slipperyslopebox.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/the-silent-victims-of-male-rape/

  8. Hi, Richard – Thank you for the courage to share! I am also a Survivor.

    I actually speak on this topic in my “real life” and you are absolutely right! No one says anything about a Female raping a Male. However, it happens…more often than you would think.

    According to the UCMJ an E-5 cannot consent to sexual activity with a 1SG – period…it isn’t possible. It doesn’t matter what the gender of either party is…it is still forced sexual activity on the part of the Senior NCO.

    I’m so sorry for what has happened to you – thank you for your courage to tell your story.

  9. Hi Richard. I’m so sorry that happened to you and that you’re having a hard time getting help. Look into treatment at a local Vet Center. You qualify and you don’t have to worry about seeing your perpetrator. Also, the VA has a few residential programs for male MST survivors. Have you talked to the MST Coordinator yet?

    Hang in there. Don’t give up. Healing is possible!

  10. Hi Richard. I am so sorry that happened to you and that you’re having such a hard time getting help. Have you tried connecting with a local Vet Center? You qualify for treatment there. They work with MST and deployment issues. Also, the VA has several residential MST programs for men. Have you connected with the MST Coordinator? She can probably help with getting you into a program or into outpatient treatment at the VA, if you want to go that route. You can also ask to have your record restricted, meaning that employees can only view it if they have good reason. Ie, directly involved in your treatment.

    Hang in there. Healing is possible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s