Raped while on duty. Active duty Coast Guardsman fights to keep her career.

Non-rate, United States Coast Guard

I reported a rape at a small boat station in District 1 and been transferred to a support unit some 300 miles away. Right now I am being threatened to being kicked out because I went to mandatory counseling for suicidal ideation. Admiral N and Captain R are making it that I am insane and not worthy of being in the Coast Guard. I requested to stand watch and was denied for reason of my own safety. Basically they admitted that my safety is in jeopardy if I stay on this base because of what my own shipmates could do to me. Instead I go to work and 02 hours later they send me home. I follow orders and leave early only for them to tell me that I am a waste of tax payers dollars.

When you are the rape victim you have to not trust anyone. I trusted and befriend a YN3, need I say that it was a female as well? Months later she handed in to her supervisor a 04 pages letter on how psychotic she thinks that I am. According to her the reasons that I am insane is because I enjoy yoga. I told her that my favorite food was pizza. I drink green tea instead of coffee every morning. I belong in the loony bin with all the other pizza-loving, green tea drinking yogis. If only she knew what was really wrong with me.

Admiral N is the head honcho. He is in charged of basically the maritime safety for the entire city  and in his free time he is making my life a living hell. We never spoken. Heck, I probably never seen him aside from him rushing to go to an all-hands meeting. All-hands meeting are meeting held for everyone on base, that is everyone except for the women who been raped. There are several of us and we are all fighting to stay in. We lost one recently and it took a toll on us all.

You are all alone. Even among the rape survivors we just can’t talk openly. After what the YN3 did it is difficult to trust anyone that is wearing a uniform.

I guess you want to know about my rape. I was on duty. He was off duty and came in intoxicated at the early hours in the morning. He was not on duty nor lived on base and therefore had no reason to be on the base at that time.  I was an E-2 and he was an E-5.  I reported it to my command that basically ignored it. Told me to shut up and they did not believe me. They said that I did not have enough physical evidence that they could see to get CGI involved. Just because I was not bleeding or bruised up my rape was not serious enough to get investigated. I requested to go to the emergency room and my command did not allow it. Being on duty at the time I told them that I would go anyway and they said if I walk off base while on duty that I would go to prison. An E-7 literally held me down so I won’t “make the mistake” of leaving the base to go to the hospital. Even after being transferred to the support unit my rape was never investigated.

I had to work with the rapist for months until I became suicidal. It took talk of suicide to separate me from my rapist. I was never suicidal. I did not want to end my life. I only wanted to end the abuse and if taking my life was the only way to do so I would have done it. Life that I absolutely love vs. end of abuse? Ending the abuse wins. Unfortuntaly the abuse continued from my shipmates at the small boat station to my shipmates in Boston. Different unit, different abusers, same shit.

I was at the small boat station for only a few months before we had a serious search and rescue case. We spent hours looking for a couple of folks that were reported missing. Throughout the entire rescue the crew would joke and laugh about the incident. We never did find the bodies and the search was called off. For a week they were skeptic if those people actually existed because the witness/family member “looked insane” and perhaps we should charge her for the cost of the search. I think we all would be anything but calm and normal if our loved ones were lost at sea. Nineteen years olds are just too young to understand the seriousness of a life and death situations or a rape.

Captain R is the doc on base. SHE, feel the need to have the capitalize, is not the most victim-friendly to put it nicely. I could not get any testing done to check to see if anything is wrong with me from the rape (ie; do I have an STD, internal damage?) because according to her I can only get tested within 48-hours or 36-hours or whatever the number was. I ended up getting free testing in the community (thank you BARCC and MRCC) and luckily I am clean and not really anything is wrong with me physically. Emotionally I am a mess but I have to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong.

I was only approved 12 sessions of therapy which I already used up. Those 12 sessions have probably made me lose my career. Right now TriCare (our insurance company) won’t approve anymore therapy sessions.

Nothing happened to my rapist. He is continuing on with his career as if he never raped me.  My victim-advocate recommend that I write a letter of apology to my rapist. I refused to do so. She said that I am just being a drama queen and stubborn. She went all religious on me quoting from the bible about forgiveness. I told her that I am not a Christian and she responded by saying that she’ll pray for me and gave me a bible that she kept on her desk. I did not take it with me and left it in her office. The next day I found the bible on my cubicle with “Matthew 6:14-16″ written on a post-it note.

17 comments

  1. I am a suvivor of rape in the Coast Guard. No one took it seriously, it was in my fist year while I was in school. Later I did not continue to tell, so I could have stayed in. It was many years ago. I help vets all the time. I would be glad to try to help you stay in, if that is your goal. You may contact me at marykelley3@gmail.com. That counselor should be fired. I drink green tea too. There is nothing abnormal about yoga, it is healthy. That is not an advocate. I still know people in politics in D.C from when I worked on legislation many years ago. You are also qualified to become a civil servant, if they force you out. I personally feel we could do something about this. I have a cell, but if you contact me I will give you the number rather than post here. I think it is worth a try & I might also be able to find you some counseling that is free, as I have many contacts in that area. Either way, hang in there. Not all women feel as the YN3 does, though I understand why you can’t trust others. Best regards, Mary Kelley Richard

    1. You are very brave. Hang in there and firght for yourself. I was drugged and raped twice while serving in the USMC in 1984. I told a roommate abouth the first rape and she basically told me to “shut up and suck it up….cuz I don’t care and no one else will either”. I am in treatment for severe PTSD, depression and anxiety. I can no longer work in my profession and will probably have to go on SSDI. I am having a very difficult time proving these rapes because I reported nothing and there is nothing in my medical records that directly relates to being raped. Green tea, yoga and meditation wil help you. Keep yourself healthy with pure, orgainc food! Whatch out for those evil “bible-thumping” women–they will burn you everytime……Good Luck, little sister……….

  2. Not everyone in the CG is as horrible as the yN3 or the admiral or captain that you mentioned however the bad ones tend to be far more vocal than the good ones so it may seem that the entire CG is as corrupt and evil as the bad ones. We need the good folks in the Coast Guard to start making more noise so we can see that there is goodness in the Coast Guard.

  3. I just read your post and am extremely concerned about you. It doesn’t sound like you have been in contact with a D-1 Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC) at the Health, Safety and Work-Life Office in Boston as of yet? SARCs are available in every Coast Guard District if you are no longer located in D-1.

    If you would prefer to contact me here at Headquarters, please do so! There is much that can be done with many of the issues mentioned in your posting. Please reach out to me or the D-1 SARC (or any District SARC); we want to help.

    Shawn Marie Wren
    U.S. Coast Guard Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program Manager
    (202) 475-5163
    shawn.m.wren@uscg.mil

  4. I can eat pizza everyday. I do not think that makes us crazy. lol.

    Not trying to joke about it. I understand where you are coming from. Everything that I did was wrong and considered being what the “crazy people do” when it was perfectly normal. Sometimes when there is absolutely nothing wrong with you they come up with the dumbest things that are supposedly making you crazy such as drinking green tea.

    If you are at District 1 and if i’m not mistaken that is new england so talk to panayiota if you havent’ already. she can hook you up with counseling and stuff even if tricare wont pay for it. there many ways you can get counseling and most are free and not affiliated with the coast guard so they wont show up on your record and your command won’t have access to them. Also if you are in boston try to come to the support groups. we have a lot of active duty coast guards members, most like yourself in that they reported it and the coast guard refused to investigate so there is no record of them even being raped.

  5. I was gang raped when I was 3 months pregnant. I never reported it because it is a career killer and I needed healthcare and a steady paycheck. I’ll be interested in knowing how many women we lost to rape.

  6. I don’t think that you were assigned a SARC or a Victim Advocate. The Coast Guard is notorious for sending rape survivors to those that are not qualified to help a rape survivor but by rank alone they are viewed as the one to go to. They would send a rape survivor to the first mid-level female officer that they find instead of the person who is qualified and trained to help a rape survivor.

    As a yogi myself I can see how red neck, white trash, uneducated Coast Guardsmen may see something wrong with it. They are the ones that live in the world of Nascar, Budweiser and wear Dixie Outfitters on their days off while they detach themselves from the general society as much as they could.

  7. Thanks for posting this. Shawn I already tried to call you. Kelli you may be right because she has no idea what she is doing. She is turning my victim advocacy time into a god preaching session. She is an academy puke that is clueless on what she is doing. Kathy I do want to go to the support groups but Panayiota says that I am not ready yet and is sending me to individual counseling first.

  8. Our stories are so similar right down to us both being yogi. I was actually working at a yoga studio while on Active Duty. I am in the process of starting a yoga class specifically for women veterans with military sexual trauma. It’ll probably be taught in Cambridge/Harvard sq. area. If you are interested let me know.

    If you need to talk to someone, call or text me anytime 802-578-4769 (this also goes to every other survivor) or email panayiota@stopmilitaryrape.org. I am 20 minutes from Coast Guard Boston so if they are giving you a difficult time and need to talk I can meet you by the base or if you call I can give you the address to the center where you can just drop in and talk to someone here. Due to the safety for our clients I am not allowed to post the address.

  9. In ALCOAST 259/11 the Commandant wrote:

    “Military personnel must not advocate supremacist, extremist or criminal gang doctrine, ideology, or causes. Including those that advance, encourage, or advocate illegal discrimination based on race, creed, color sex, religion, ethnicity, national origin or that advance, encourage, or advocate the use of force, violence, or criminal activity or otherwise advance the efforts to deprive individuals of their civil rights.”

    I think that you should report your “victim advocate” and demand someone that is actually qualified to do the job. It is illegal to force religion down your throat.

    I was raped in the Coast Guard 12 years ago. I never reported because I knew that it was a career killer. I am in Boston so if you need to talk just know that you are not alone. I may wear the uniform but I am not like one of those bitches that turn their back on a woman to please the men.

    Please make the YN3 and your victim advocate name public! I’ll like to give them both a talk.

  10. Good job, Coast Guard !!! That sends a great message to your shipmtaes !!! When you see someone in need of help … walk away !!! THAT will make America a better society.

  11. @panayiota. I commend you for leading by example of how the Coast Guard should be handling sexual assault and rape cases. I was raped in the Coast Guard. They felt that I was lying and a trouble maker and booted me out. Nothing happened to my rapist. It is folks like you that are going to make it better for our future service women. Thank you.

  12. i think that you should contact the Congress and demand an official investigation for your rape. District One continuously sweeping rapes under the rug is unacceptable.

  13. hi if nothing continues to happen what i would do is write like the guy whos in charge of the whole coast guard besides the presidents and or actually write the president

  14. I was raped on CGC Seneca and was called a whore and not believed. I have tried to speak to Peter DiMarzio who is the SARC in Boston and he was not very helpful. We have to stick together because the Coast Guard is not there for us.

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