Non-rate, United States Coast Guard
I reported a rape at a small boat station in District 1 and been transferred to a support unit some 300 miles away. Right now I am being threatened to being kicked out because I went to mandatory counseling for suicidal ideation. Admiral N and Captain R are making it that I am insane and not worthy of being in the Coast Guard. I requested to stand watch and was denied for reason of my own safety. Basically they admitted that my safety is in jeopardy if I stay on this base because of what my own shipmates could do to me. Instead I go to work and 02 hours later they send me home. I follow orders and leave early only for them to tell me that I am a waste of tax payers dollars.
When you are the rape victim you have to not trust anyone. I trusted and befriend a YN3, need I say that it was a female as well? Months later she handed in to her supervisor a 04 pages letter on how psychotic she thinks that I am. According to her the reasons that I am insane is because I enjoy yoga. I told her that my favorite food was pizza. I drink green tea instead of coffee every morning. I belong in the loony bin with all the other pizza-loving, green tea drinking yogis. If only she knew what was really wrong with me.
Admiral N is the head honcho. He is in charged of basically the maritime safety for the entire city and in his free time he is making my life a living hell. We never spoken. Heck, I probably never seen him aside from him rushing to go to an all-hands meeting. All-hands meeting are meeting held for everyone on base, that is everyone except for the women who been raped. There are several of us and we are all fighting to stay in. We lost one recently and it took a toll on us all.
You are all alone. Even among the rape survivors we just can’t talk openly. After what the YN3 did it is difficult to trust anyone that is wearing a uniform.
I guess you want to know about my rape. I was on duty. He was off duty and came in intoxicated at the early hours in the morning. He was not on duty nor lived on base and therefore had no reason to be on the base at that time. I was an E-2 and he was an E-5. I reported it to my command that basically ignored it. Told me to shut up and they did not believe me. They said that I did not have enough physical evidence that they could see to get CGI involved. Just because I was not bleeding or bruised up my rape was not serious enough to get investigated. I requested to go to the emergency room and my command did not allow it. Being on duty at the time I told them that I would go anyway and they said if I walk off base while on duty that I would go to prison. An E-7 literally held me down so I won’t “make the mistake” of leaving the base to go to the hospital. Even after being transferred to the support unit my rape was never investigated.
I had to work with the rapist for months until I became suicidal. It took talk of suicide to separate me from my rapist. I was never suicidal. I did not want to end my life. I only wanted to end the abuse and if taking my life was the only way to do so I would have done it. Life that I absolutely love vs. end of abuse? Ending the abuse wins. Unfortuntaly the abuse continued from my shipmates at the small boat station to my shipmates in Boston. Different unit, different abusers, same shit.
I was at the small boat station for only a few months before we had a serious search and rescue case. We spent hours looking for a couple of folks that were reported missing. Throughout the entire rescue the crew would joke and laugh about the incident. We never did find the bodies and the search was called off. For a week they were skeptic if those people actually existed because the witness/family member “looked insane” and perhaps we should charge her for the cost of the search. I think we all would be anything but calm and normal if our loved ones were lost at sea. Nineteen years olds are just too young to understand the seriousness of a life and death situations or a rape.
Captain R is the doc on base. SHE, feel the need to have the capitalize, is not the most victim-friendly to put it nicely. I could not get any testing done to check to see if anything is wrong with me from the rape (ie; do I have an STD, internal damage?) because according to her I can only get tested within 48-hours or 36-hours or whatever the number was. I ended up getting free testing in the community (thank you BARCC and MRCC) and luckily I am clean and not really anything is wrong with me physically. Emotionally I am a mess but I have to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong.
I was only approved 12 sessions of therapy which I already used up. Those 12 sessions have probably made me lose my career. Right now TriCare (our insurance company) won’t approve anymore therapy sessions.
Nothing happened to my rapist. He is continuing on with his career as if he never raped me. My victim-advocate recommend that I write a letter of apology to my rapist. I refused to do so. She said that I am just being a drama queen and stubborn. She went all religious on me quoting from the bible about forgiveness. I told her that I am not a Christian and she responded by saying that she’ll pray for me and gave me a bible that she kept on her desk. I did not take it with me and left it in her office. The next day I found the bible on my cubicle with “Matthew 6:14-16″ written on a post-it note.