Mother of an Active Duty sailor call for help.

I’m not sure where to start, by baby girl just emailed me from her ship this weekend and told me of her being raped. She said it happened just a day or so before deployment which was more than a two months ago and that it was a man she is directly working under. I do not know all the details of the rape. I do know that 3 weeks ago, she went to her Chaplain, because the pain was too great to deal with and she was starting to get depressed. Her last email to me said the following:

First email: There is something that I haven’t told you about me. I don’t want you to freak out or anything. But I was told by the chaplain that I needed to tell you because I might be pulled off the ship for treatment. I was raped by ht1 **** a day before deployment. I don’t want to type it all out b/c I have had to tell a million ppl my story and it’s a long one. Please don’t freak. I did not ever want to tell you b/c I did not want you to get sad. Chaps said that I have been wearing a mask and soon it will come off and I will be a hazard to the command. They are not taking him off the ship. IDK why but if it does not happen soon I am gonna freak. I cant stand looking at him everyday. That is why I am working in the galley (kitchen) b/c they took me outta my division.

Second Email: It happened a day before deployment. I didn’t tell on him till Hawaii.So it was too late for an exam. In guam they tested me for everything and I’m good. I’m fighting this till the end. I don’t care how long it takes he’s going down. Whenever they asked me what I wanted to happen to him I told them that I just didn’t want to see him again… they said that he’d be gone by guam but they lied. He’s still here and I see him three times a day. Its depressing hardcore and the chaplin knows that so he’s requesting me off the ship. If I get to get off I will be going to shore duty for awhile and get treatment. It’s hard…

Third Email: Hey mama, Okay so here is what is happening. On june 3rd I will be taken off the ship and placed on a refueling ship where I will stay until they pull into a port. From there I will be flown to san diego back to base. I will be going through treatment. They are going to see if I am still fit to be in the navy and they are going to help me with my case. I’m nervous, but I know that it is whats best for me. As her Mommy, what on earth can I do?? Where can she turn for real help? This is happening NOW!

22 comments

  1. Mom, you have done the right thing to ask for help. I know every case is different but in my experience as well as some friends we all faced the following scenario, they push you into admitting you are not fit to serve and you will be discharged. If this is okay then she needs to make sure she fights for as much of a disability as they will give her and that she has medical documentation of the assault whether it be proof of visiting a therapist or the exam ect. So that she can continue to receive ongoing care from the va. This will be a lifelong burden and there is no shame is accepting help from the va after discharge. If she wants to stay she will need to fight long and hard to prove she can stay, they will also pressure her to change her story or recant. They may te her it will be easier if she does. She should NEVER do this and could face charges if she does. Commands like to do this to make problems disappear.

    1. Kaycee,

      Thank you so much for the heads up on re-canting her statement. I can see where she may want to, just to make it all go away, but you are right, she needs to see this through to the end. It seems as though they will just keep victimizing her at every turn. Do you think it will ever get back to normal for her career? I know she is struggling with the emotional part of it, but I don’t want them to steal her career right out from under her when she has come so far.

      Her Mommy

      1. Normal for her is not the same anymore. She is now a different person. I lost everyone of my “friends” because I was “not the same” anymore. All I have now is my sister, because even my own father does not understand and my mom is overseas and so controlled by my fathers opinion. As far as her career, I hope things get back to normal, but the Navy is like a Fraternity. Everyone knows everyone and is connected to someone. I would not be surprised if her reputation is already tarnished by her coming forward. The Navy would rather shun the victim than have to publicly admit that one of their own is a rapist, especially with everything in the news at this time. My command told me “stop fighting us, and we will let you stay in. If you refuse NJP we will kick you out, and there is nothing you can do about it.” I know this may be hard to understand, but thats how it is. So many men and women are trying to change the system, but it takes a lot of time and a lot of sweat and tears.

    2. Mom,
      Contacting this site is empowering. Your daughters emails are evidence. Make sure she documents EVERYTHING: everyone she talks to…..everything. You cannot trust Chaplains, by the way. I just finished with a VA claim 9from two rapes that occurred 24 years ago that i was too terrified to report). The more evidence–the better.
      This is all so very hard as hell.. Read on….these other women have great advice…Good Luck.

  2. I am so sorry she is going through this. I was raped while in the Navy and the hardest thing I ever did was tell my mom. I never wanted her to feel my pain. I endured a year and 2 months of torture and told I was a whore. The best thing for your daughter is to get off that ship and go to a command where no one knows her or her story. Just be there for her. Make sure she goes to therapy and support groups. She needs to get everything documented so that she can get her benifits when she gets out. Just know that she will not be the same person she was before and that is ok. If she needs to talk to anyone she can call me or email me. Rebeccablumer@yahoo.com I just recently got kicked out from my rape on april 30th. The most important thing for her right now is support.

    1. Rebecca,

      I cant tell you how much it means to me that you wrote this reply. You are so brave to share your situation with others, for their sake. Thank you. I love my baby girl unconditionally, she tried to keep this to herself, but the pain was to much. I am so proud of her for stepping up and speaking out. This seems too much for a young woman of 19 to bear all alone, and she needs friends now more than ever.

      I will definately share your information with her. Are you sure you will be up to hearing from her? Your wounds are still fresh as well.

      Her Mommy

  3. I am so deeply saddened to hear about this. I went through the same thing, only I reported it right after and had DNA. Nothing was ever done to the 3 Army Soldiers who drugged and raped me. I was kicked out of the Navy on April 30, 2011 after over a year of torture I endured from my command. The best thing for your daughter is to get away from that command. She will face so much hate and resentment, and I am so sorry to say that. The way the Navy works and how it is connected, people all over the Navy probably already know your daughter and her “story”. If you or her ever need to talk, I am here 24/7! Please do not hesitate to email. I can give you my phone number via email. I know first hand what she is going through. Trust me, the hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my mom. I am glad to hear she is getting off that ship and getting help. I know she might not want to hear this, but the best thing for her is to be near family and if they do find her unfit for duty, it may suck at the time, but like I said, I just went through it, and I am finding I am so much better away from all the memories and hate. I live with my sister now and I am stronger now. Just know that your daughter will never be the same person again. She will forever be changed, it is only how she uses this experience to help herself and others going through the same thing will determine the type of person she will be. I served 6 years 9 months and 24 days. I joined to make a 20+ year career, and it was cut short because 3 Army Soldiers wanted one last hoorah before going to Afghanistan. Everyday I wish I could have done more put those bastards behind bars and I pray that no one else has to go through what I went through. Your daughter will be taken care of, by her fellow sisters in arms. She is not alone, and neither are you! Like I said, I am here if you ever need to talk. I can guide you and offer some advice. I went out fighting, and I am still fighting so other women do not have to suffer the same way I did by the “Navy Family”.

    My email is rebeccablumer@yahoo.com
    Please Please pass it to your daughter.

  4. The best advice I can give is just be strong for your daughter. I hope the Navy gives her the help that she needs. They didn’t for me but I was at a different command than her and my rape happened in 2002. I know the feelings she is going through. I still suffer from it to this day like so many others. If your daughter needs support from other survivors of MST (Military Sexual Trauma) just have her e-mail me at GYRLSWEET1983@aol.com. The sad part is that is happens way too often. All the survivors and families of survivors are here to help eachother out. E-mail me if even you need someone to talk to.

    1. Lamanda,
      Thank you for reaching out. I will be sharing your contact information with her. I am so sorry you didnt receive the help you needed from your command. Is it really too late for your case? I hope not. You need closure just like everyone else.

      Her Mommy

      1. Right now I am looking into fighting everything that happened to me when I was in. It might be too late but now that I have more strength than I did when I was in I am going to try my hardest to push forward. I am now living in California. If your daughter needs a friend have her contact me.

  5. I wish that when this happened to me that I had called for a Congressional Investigation. We have two or three Congress people on our side.

    1. I just spoke with my daughter, she is headed back to San Diego. She said that they are sending her straight to her new ship, and she is uncertain why. They were supposed to have her going to baracks on base for a while, then transition to the new ship. She said she doesnt think they are going to do any of the things they said they would do for her. I told her that there were people taking her story to Congress, and she asked if they knew her name. I told her that I didnt think they did, and her response was to make sure that Congress knew her name so they could fix this and make sure it went to court marshall. I really don’t know how to make this happen. Can you help me out?

      Her Mommy

  6. This is so hard to read!! She needs to get in contact with her UVA… uniformed Victim Advicate. If she already has GREAT!! She also needs to request Mast… talk to the highest ranking person she can get a hold of. the higher it goes, the better. I worked with the person who sexually assaulted me and nobody helped. it wasn’t until I told a Marine Corps Officer what happened and he talked to the Chief of staff and they got me moved with in a few hours. i moved out of my old office, into a new section… then a week later they gave me orders. I am awaiting to be the new UVA here soon, and if there is ANYTHING at all please call me. You can block your number if you want, or you can e-mail me (n.meserole@gmail.com) but she needs to tell someone other then her Chaplin. 1 year after i started my investigation i was told it was closed… and i told my SgtMaj and he re opened it before i could finish my story. He was also a UVA, and is the one pushing for my training and everything. he’s a great guy. If yo uwant to speak with him just let me know. I also have another contact that i cannot tell over this comment. if you e-mail me i will have both of their contact information ready for you. Please keep us posted!!!!

    Much Support and love,
    Nicole

    1. Hi Nicole,

      Thank you so much for sharing your ideas. I will be forwarding them to her right away. She will be leaving her ship the day after tomorrow, and will not have the same email address, so I will need to wait to send her your information. I have no idea how long it will take her to get back to Cali. She has been working with her Victims Advocate, but feels like she is imposing on her time when she needs help. From my understanding, the Vic Av. has to hold down her regular job along with the Vic Av position. It seems rediculous that she wouldnt be able to soley focus on my daughters case until she is off the ship. Is that how it normally works?

      Her Mommy

  7. First of all, as a fellow survivor, THANK YOU for being so supportive of your daughter and for reaching out to find help for her! <3

    Secondly, it seems pretty clear to me from her emails that she is definitely interested in pressing charges, yet her command seems to have done NOTHING to start an actual investigation…? Unless they have and she just didn't mention it in the emails? But if they aren't doing anything with him yet, and they're deployed, I can totally see them sweeping this under the rug for him while trying to process her out to get rid of "the problem".

    If this is the case, and she really is interested in fighting this til the bitter end, she can contact the law office of Susan Burke (202.386.9622). She's our attorney for the class action suit. Your daughter's case PROVES that the military is STILL not taking these cases seriously and they're STILL punishing the survivor: forced to work with him, transferred from her own job to a more menial task (kitchen?!), only to be potentially discharged… all while he continues working with no repercussions. It's such crap!! Your daughter deserves justice and Susan is working to force the military to finally get us justice!

    Other than that, I think Kaycee pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as advice goes. Whatever your daughter wants to do, basically, she will have to fight and fight hard for it. Such is the way of the military in these kinds of cases… :/

    Best of luck! You and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers. <3

  8. Thank you all for your love and support! I will be forwarding her the information you have all shared. She will be transfered from her ship on June 3rd. Heading back to Cali for treatment. They are assigning her to a different ship, thank God. I don’t know that anything will happen to the rapist, but for now, she will be safe. I was able to speak with her last night, and she seems in good spirits for the moment. She is very resilent, and normally very happy go lucky. She told me last night that she is trying to figure out ‘Who to be’ when she gets to her next command. Shes afraid that her being friendly and outgoing may have caused this to happen and for everyone to turn on her. I have told her just to be herself and not to change who she is for anyone. She said that she is now in charge of doing all of the grunt work on board. The other night, the ship had some sort of celebration, and she was not allowed to attend. I asked if there were others that attended that were her rank and age and she said yes, and that she has no idea why she couldnt go. She was then told that she had to clean up their messes! She feels alone, and for a 19 year old to feel alone on a ship of hundreds is not a good scenario. She said she feels like rebelling, and has actually talked back to a few people higher ranking. I have tried to encourage her to continue respecting their rank, when quite honestly, I don’t care who they are, they have no right to give her the crap work and be rude to my daughter. I believe she wants to stay in the service, but I also believe they are ‘prepping’ her for getting out. We are all very frustrated with how this is being handled.

    Her Mommy

  9. the UVA and SARC (sexual assault responce cord.) were there for me 24/7. in training you learn that no matter what the victim comes first before anything!! and if they are not doing that… she or you need to get in contact with the Inspector General on the ship or her command.

  10. Yes, I am very willing to hear from her. After my assault I changed my major from psychology to law, because I want to help every victim I can to put the scum behind bars. What she needs is someone to understand what she is going through and I understand first hand. I found and I am still fighting the Navy for the way I was treated. I can help her file complaints with the Inspector General (however the IG is only collecting data and not doing anything at this time. I was very upset to have learned that) and there is strength in numbers. I am willing to be her squeaky wheel so that your daughter is taken care of in the way she needs to be. Luckly she has the Chaplin to help her, I didn’t have anyone. I was all alone, that is until I came to this website.

    1. Rebecca,
      Lets start sqeaking! She is enroute back to the states as we speak. I will be speaking with her as soon as she lands in LA tomorrow mid morning. She said things that she had been told to expect had changed just in the last 3 to 4 days. I’m not sure of all the details, but she believes she is being screwed out of her ability to take this any further. I know she is tired of all the bologny already, and wants it to all go away one minute, and wants to fight it the next. So, she needs Sisters to carry her through this one. Thank you for being there for her.

      Her Mommy

  11. Report a Crime

    What is the NCIS Text & Web Tip Hot Line?

    The TEXT & WEB TIP HOT LINE is a partnership between NCIS and the military community and is intended to provide a discreet and completely ANONYMOUS conduit to receive criminal information that helps identify and address criminal and force protection threats within the USN and USMC.

    What type of information does NCIS need?

    The NCIS mission is to investigate and defeat criminal, terrorist, and foreign intelligence threats to the United States Navy and Marine Corps. Types of crimes investigated by NCIS include rape, narcotics, child physical and sexual abuse, burglary and robbery, theft of government and personal property, fraud, and homicide. Within the Department of the Navy, NCIS also has exclusive investigative jurisdiction into actual, potential or suspected acts of espionage or sabotage. If you have information pertaining to these or any other serious crime, please let us know.

    How do I submit a tip?

    The two ways to provide anonymous information to NCIS is either by web or cellular text.

    Anonymous Web Based Tips

    Click the icon below to submit a web tip and to follow up on a previously submitted tip.

    Web and text tip graphic

    Tip follow up graphic

    Anonymous Text Tips

    To send a text tip to NCIS follow these steps:

    1. Text to 274637 (CRIMES)

    2. Type “NCIS” at the beginning of your text message.

    3. Type your message including as much detail as possible to ensure the tips can effectively be investigated.

    4. You will receive a text with an alias code—This will be your tipster identity code.

    I hope this helps. My Agent was very helpful and was very gun-ho putting my rapists behind bars. They reassigned him and never told me why. NCIS needs to know. Your daughter should have been given the option to report unrestricted and NCIS would already be notified. Let your Congressman/woman know if all else fails. BTW, what ship is your daughter on?

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