Active Duty Coast Guardsman call for help

Hello. My name is Jane. I am a rape survivor. I am active duty in the United States Coast Guard and was raped October 17, 2010 when a shipmate climbed onto my rack while I was asleep and raped me. I found him ontop of me, with his hands over my mouth to prevent me from screaming.

I reported it up my chain of command and was met with disbelief. They felt that I was lying and had morning after remorse. Almost over night my name changed from Petty Office Doe to yo bitch you are a slut. I have been ostracized from my entire unit. I am no longer one of them. I was forbidden to attend the holiday party. I am exlcuded from all morale activities and can not join the rest of the crew in playing basketball. I am not allowed to attend all hands meetings. When I walk into a room everyone who is in there walks out. When I sit at a table during chow everyone else on the table gets up and leaves. Nobody talks to me even if they need to tell me something work-related leaving me in the dark of what is going on.

My perpetrator left the Coast Guard a month ago. His contract was up, signed his discharged papers and fled the country. I was told, and this is a LIE, that they can not continue on with the investigation because he is no longer in the Coast Guard. CGIS said, “we are not the Army. We can not force people to stay in past their contract agreement”. I am working with Panayiota who has said that this is not true and because of an active investigation that his contract should have been extended until the investigation was complete. However how can you fight the military? How can I tell CGIS that they were wrong and if I do they won’t believe me.

I have tried to call Shawn Wren, the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response coordinator and she does not return my phone calls. I called a JAG who in turn said that he can not defend me. I am not the criminal. I am not the bad guy. I am a rape victim that needs some help. Treating me like I am a criminal. Making me like I am not one of yours is not helping me heal. I was sent to 08 sessions of counseling by somebody that could not talk to me about the rape but was told by my command that I am an outcast and we worked on those issues. Everything was fine until I reported the rape and had everyone turned their back on me. I am not an outcast by choice. I want to talk to and be friends with my shipmates but they are staying away from me like I have a fatal contagious diesease.  I am starting a new therapist next week thanks to Panayiota that is outside of the Coast Guard so I do not need help with that. I need help with having my shipmates treating me the way that they do. I tried to call the Chaplin and he ignored my phone calls. My mother called the Commandant’s office and it came back to my command and I was the one that was written up.  I am also being med boarded out of service for adjustment disorder. I NEED HELP.

Please publish this. Please don’t use my real name I do not want to get in further trouble. Please if you are in the Coast Guard and can help me please contact panayiota who would forward me the information. I wrote to the Congress today as well. I don’t know what else to do. What have I done wrong?

31 comments

  1. I am a retired from the US Coast Guard. I am also a survivor and can relate to what you are going through, please message me and we can communicate. I am here for you. God Bless, and you are in my prayers.

  2. Stop calling me names. Start treating me like everyone else is. I want to attend all hands meetings. I want to play basketball during morale days. I want to attend the holiday party and all other events. I want them to stop calling me a liar. I want to have chow with my shipmates without them standing up and leaving when I sit down. I want to stay in the Coast Guard. That is all I want.

  3. “Shipmates, as we set the watch, we also set the tone and expectation for how we will stand our watch together. As I indicated to you in ref a, respecting our shipmates is one of my four guiding principles. Over the course of my career, I have learned that we must respect one another before we can successfully work together as a team. Missions are accomplished by people. By letting our people know they will be treated fairly and appreciated, that their leaders care about them personally and professionally, we will put ourselves on course to create great command climates and work environments.”-Admiral Papp

    that gets thrown out the window when you are raped.

  4. Jane, what ever they do to you and what ever they justify, you ARE one of us. Please keep in touch with the MRCC and please know that you are one of us. Your story is very similar to what so many of us went through.
    Welcome aboard, Sister. This is where the healing begins.
    Message me too.

  5. Even if she is not my constituent tell her to contact me. We can not order her shipmates to play basketball with her or to eat lunch with her but we can investigate to make sure that everything is the way that it should be. I don’t allow Coast Guard bullshit response that shows that they have “zero-tolerance” and that the survivor is at fault. If there was an active investigation and they allowed the alleged perpetrator to leave before the investigation was complete then those who were responsible to do so would pay.

  6. The same thing happened to me. After I was raped they thought that I was “a threat to myself or others”even though I never gave them any reason to believe that. A captain actually straight out lied and said that I told her that I was suicidal so they sent me to the psych. hospital and the entire time I was saying that I was not suicidal and never said it but I was a Cpl and having to fight against what a Cpt has said that I said.
    After leaving the psych. hospital I was still forbidden to attend any morale events. We had USO concerts on base and I was not allowed to attend them but my rapists were. I too ate lunch alone and nobody wanted to even talk to me. In turn it made me look like the crazy one for not being sociable. I too wanted to be friends with the fellow marines but they weren’t interested in being associated with me. They also spread nasty rumors about me that I am psychotic and crazy and all these other things that are not true. However after a while you start to believe them. Everyone that I was friends with before the rape stopped talking to me after I reported the rape.
    I did contact the Congress and the Marine Corps told the Congress that I was “allowed to attend all events but I chose not to”. They straight out lied to the Congress.
    I also left the service on Adjustment Disorder. Fight it till the very end. Make sure you leave the service kicking and screaming and make some noise.

  7. @Stacey. You rock. Wish I knew about you when I was in. Which Congress person do you work with? I have been dealing with Senator Mike Crapo and he is a bunch of crap. I have over a dozen letters that the military responded to him regarding my case and they are all victim-blaming, the victim is lying. this is what they are telling the Senator and he sees nothing wrong with it. Can I forward you the letters and you can investigate. The military does this so often that they self criminalize. I showed the letters to my civilian therapist and to a support group in my area and they are in disbelief that the military would respond in such a matter. The bullshit that the respond to shows and them being so dillusional and think that they have done nothing wrong. In one of the letters they actually admitted that the knowingly allowed my rapist and I to work together for 2 years. They said that they were looking out for my best interest and that they wanted me to remain working in the MOS that I was trained for and therefore could not transfer me. How about transferring him? Did that even cross their mind? He ended up with another rape charge and he is STILL in the military. The other woman who accused him of rape was also kicked out after being put through hell. They are still calling us both liars.

    @Jane. Call 802-578-4769 she can help you. She’ll kick some ass.

    I hope it is okay that I post a number on here?

  8. I am going through the same thing in the Navy. They are trying to seperate me. I filed an IG complaint. Does Coast Gaurd have an Inspector General? I filed for reprisal.

  9. The Coast Guard is going to deny that you reported your rape. That is what they did to me. I was also kicked out after reporting it. Nothing happened to the rapist and as far as I know he is still in.

  10. CGIS actually said that? If that was the case everyone would commit a crime a week before their enlistment ends cause they would be gone before they can get punished.

    What country did he fled to? If he is in Mexico the Mexican government would hand him back to the US for a trade of a Mexican prisoner. If that is the case then let thank the Coast Guard for setting free a drug lord. If he fled to Canada or Europe good luck in ever having him be forced back into the US for a trial. They tend to protect their residents regardless if they are citizens or not far more.

    It has been over two weeks since this post went up. What is the Coast Guard response? I am afraid to ask cause if they are anything like they were in 2006/2007 the answered would be “nothing at all”.

  11. Nothing happened. The Coast Guard did not reach out to me or Panayiota about my case. Stacey tried to get in contact with them but with out success. It was the usual we have Shawn Wren, she is training people, we have a zero-tolerance policy you know all the it must be my fault cause look at all what we are doing on our end.

    Stacey kept on pressuring them and they said that they’ll investigate. They took down my name and all my information and it been over a week and the Coast Guard did not call her back yet. She said she’ll wait till Thursday and then give them a call back.

    I did see the new therapist and she is very nice. She promised that the Coast Guard won’t ever find out about me going there.

    My rapist from what I heard he is now in Canada so I’m screwed huh? I want him in prison.

  12. Jane,

    Just remember that what is happening to you in the Coast Guard is NOT your fault. They are saying and doing what they are doing because Coast Guard is failing in sexual assault response. It has nothing to do with you and you are not at fault. I too was ostracized and forbidden to attend the holiday party on base and Coast Guard Day at an amusement park. I was forbidden to go golfing with my shipmates or play basketball. Most of the survivors that I worked with has been shun out by their own. It is a horrible thing to do to someone but they are at fault not you. You were sleeping, was raped and then reported it. You did what you were suppose to and you are getting punished for it, we all were.

    As always I am here for you. My phone is on 24/7 for you and all survivors-802-578-4769. Call, text whatever I am here for a shipmate.

    Panayiota

  13. Hello. My command found out that I wrote about them on here and they wrote me up for it. Seems that headquarters told them and now they are pissed. My Chief threw a bottle of bleach on my uniform and then spat at me. someone please help me.

  14. Calm down and call Panayiota.

    Are you still on base? are you on duty right now? Are you stationed on land or on a ship? If you can get to a safe place do so. If you can not leave please call Stacey and Panayiota and someone would come and get you. Stacey can do a Congressional Order or whatever those are called where she says that the Congress is ordering you to leave. Having bleach thrown at you is a violent act. Was it a bottle of bleach that was closed or did he pour bleach all over you? Are you okay? Did it go into your eyes or any cuts or openings? Cause that could be very dangerous.

    If you on land somewhere I can guarantee you that Panayiota or someone from her staff would be able to get to you by tonight. Hang in there. We are all praying for you. *hugs*

    -your vet sister.

  15. Right now I am on land. Working till 1600 then I can go home (off base). I am hiding out in the head afraid to leave. I called Panayiota and she calmed me down but I am so afraid. He threw a bottle of bleach on me but the cap was not completely fasten so it spilled all over me. I am not hurt or anything. I am okay but my uniform is destroyed.

    it is just right now I expect things like this to happen. How sick is that?

    Headquarters read this. tracked me down somehow and ratted me out to my command.
    :(

  16. ratted you out for what? Your command abuses you and you tried the regular channels that the coast guard provided and it failed.

    If you say headquarter knew and ratted you out they should not have. If they knew they should have taken immediate actions to have you removed and brought to a safer unit while investigating your Chief, CGIS, and everyone that was involved in the rape, letting the rapist free and those who are abusing you because you reported a rape. if headquarters knows and they did nothing at all to help you then the problem is bigger than any of us can ever imagine. if headquarters knew and did not respond in an immediate and timely manner ie; less than 24 hours then they are NOT TAKING SEXUAL ASSAULT OR RAPE SERIOUSOUSLY. THIS POST BEEN UP FOR TWO WEEKS+. WHERE IS THE COAST GUARD RESPONSE?

    WHERE THE FUCK IS SHAWN WREN?

  17. I emailed Shawn from my cg email and she never responded. I called and she never called back. I give up on her. She is a waste of tax payer dollars. Life would just be easier if I can just be dead. I imagine hanging myself and then my Chief finding me. That is the only thing that brings a smile to my face.
    nobody in the cg cared. yes people outside of the cg care but they not going to end the abuse. i don’t even know how i can do another day of this.

  18. I emailed several people in the Coast Guard including Shawn Wren and the Command about your case and they not showing that they are taking it seriously. Neither responded. Hang in there. Stay strong. My daughter was raped as well and they acted very similar. I am one pissed off mother and right now I am emailing them and all their responses and all my emails that do not get a response are going to be published. You don’t mess with this pissed off mother. You must not let them win. Is Panayiota or Stacey helping at all? If you hurt yourself they would feel that they won. This is what they want. They want you to break down and you can not do that. Stay strong. We are all praying for you. Get help or go to the hospital if you feel that you are not safe.

  19. Panayiota is wonderful. She helped me so much. She gets it. Stacey is great too but the Coast Guard been giving her trouble. I signed a released form so she can talk to them and they are coming back with the same response that Shawn Wren is training people and that improvements has been made. They said that my rape was investigated multiple times (which is a lie) and that it was a thorough investigation. So why was my rapist allowed to leave the Coast Guard during the middle of an investigation? Explain that to me.

    I love Stacey it helps having someone in Congress who was raped while serving in the Coast Guard. I’m back on duty now hiding out once again in the head and can not stop crying. If only America knew that their “defenders of the sea” is in the head crying. So far only the usual happened. There was an all hands meeting that I was not allowed to attend. Then I was called a slut and a liar. I am so used to that now that it became the new norm.

  20. Jane, I have read your post and am very concerned about you. I have returned all phone calls and emails that I have received from survivors of sexual assault and if you have tried to reach me, I am unaware of it. Please reach out to me. Please contact me by email at shawn.m.wren@uscg.mil or phone at 202-475-5163. I am eager to speak with you and to do whatever I possibly can to assist you.

    Shawn Marie Wren
    U.S. Coast Guard Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program Manager

  21. Jane hang in there. I believe you because I witnessed the same thing at Station Burlington when PB reported her rape. BMC Marsili is not in any chance your Chief?

  22. Panayiota is coming next week to meet with me and talk to my command. They said to expect my discharge papers to come in next week :( I am at the point that I love the Coast Guard and want to stay in because I am idealizing the perfect Coast Guard that is outside of this unit, if there is even such a perfect Coast Guard. But at the same time I want the abuse to end. I can not do this anymore. The only thing that makes me happy is thinking about my death.

    I do not know BMC Marsili should I know him?

  23. Another one. This is embarrassing. I know of 08 rape cases in the Coast Guard as well as all those on here in which the victim was the one forced out of service. I have never seen an accused rapist be punished. It is always the victim is crazy and lying and there is not enough ‘creditable evidence to prosecute’.

  24. I believe you because I have seen something very similar. I knew of a rape victim and she was also called crazy and a liar. Nothing happened to him.

    I feel like we are all saying the same thing.

  25. Jess, They should rename the website to ‘they called me crazy and a liar and then I lost my jobs’ cause that is the basis of all the stories on here. No wonder most who are raped do not report it.

  26. Does it get better? I sure hope it does. I got out of the national guard a few months back with an other an Honorable. My fault I admit that I did break the law and did something that I should not but at the same time it was rape-related. I went AWOL cause I was fed up with the way my rape was handled and did not want to redeploy with my rapist and I was tired of being called a whore and a slut all the time. The only options out is suicide or going AWOL. Didn’t want to die so I went AWOL.

    I have the same advice that everyone else seems to have. Talk to Panayiota she can help. She got my counseling and I attend the support groups in Boston. If you not in Boston she can help find your a counselor. She has connections throughout the country. Even though she herself is not a counselor (yet) she is great to talk to as peer support and god knows how many times I woke her up at 3am when I was feeling my very worst. She does not seem to mind at all not that I recommend that everyone calls her at all hours of the night,her husband would probably get pissed if he gets awaken every hour by another rape survivor in distress. Her husband is a sweetheart though. I think anyone that has to deal with a spouse having been raped is great. Hope that I find someone one day. Here I go rambling on again. She’ll stay on the phone and is just someone that you know would always be there. She deals with my rambling pretty well too which is very unusual.

    I cry all the time too. My rapist civilian job is a police officer a few towns away from me and I am afraid to leave my house at times cause I do not want to see him. I have to drive through his town to go to school but instead i would go all around, an extra 45 minutes so i won’t pass by his town. Have it all figured out. okay i’ll stop rambling lol.

    Kathy

  27. I sure hope it gets better. I am not much of a crier and have not cried. I have this empty feeling in my heart. I seriously feel like someone close to me has died. I probably sound crazy and maybe they are right and that I am crazy.

  28. That is not crazy. Jane you obviously love the Coast Guard and you are mourning the lost of such an unfair discharge. I love the Coast Guard as well even after everything that happened. I am still mourning the lost of my career. This is much different than simply getting fired from a job.

    We were raped and then got kicked out. There is no way you can justify that 92% of all rape survivors are kicked out. It is extremely cruel.

    I am obsessed with the Coast Guard still. I put my uniform on every morning and sit in front of the mirror crying. I have a Coast Guard flag covering the entire wall of my room. I am on uscg.mil every day, all day. My screen saver is Coast Guard. My entire life is Coast Guard. It is some sort of self punishment but it what gets me through the pain.

    Does it get better? They say that it does but I have not felt that yet. I am afraid to work. I can not work. I am a disability check away from being homeless. I still have nightmares and anger issues cause of the way that it was dealt with.

    I became a billion times worse since I left the Coast Guard. While I was in I held on to hope that someone would see what was going on and ‘save me’. But once you leave the Coast Guard the hope is gone as well. It is difficult. Make sure that you have a support network. Everyone that works with MRCC is great. They have been a life saver. Don’t get me started on those early morning phone calls! I made more than my fair share of 3am crisis calls.

  29. The pain of rape and the aftermath often does not go away but the way that you view what happened and your emotional response towards what happened does often change throughout the years. I know personally I went from feeling somewhat at fault for what happened, lived constantly with if only…if only I did not go hiking, if only I did not report it, if only I left the moment I felt the slightest uncomfortable, if only I did not enlist. However, over time the if onlys are replace with I was not the problem, 92% of all who report rape and discharged from service are not the problem. Going out hiking with a colleague, or sleeping on our own racks, or even going out drinking with co-workers and friends wearing a cute miniskirt does not make it okay for us to be raped and later have our raped dealt with the way that they had. The system is broken.

    However the anger, depression, grief, and anything else that you may be feeling is absolutely normal.

    Have a support network, either myself and my team and those close to you a medical professionals or a best friend who does not judge-preferably all three or whatever you feel most comfortable with at this point in your life. You are in charge of your own treatment and always do what is right for you and what you are ready for.

    As for the Coast Guard memorabilia, whoever have visited my office has seen all the Coast Guard related items there. We are Coast Guard veterans and have every right to have the Coast Guard flag hanging above our bed…or our desk. Nothing wrong for having pride for your branch of service. The Coast Guard is still an amazing organization but they have to step up on how they deal with rape.

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