Anonymous, United States Marine Corps
I was 21. I was from a small town. All my life, I heard my parents tell me how bad I was and how they didn’t want me. I already knew that from the frequent beatings I took. One day I was beaten pretty severely and forced to sleep outside in my pajamas in below freezing weather. I decided right then that my life was going to change and I was going to do whatever I had to do to get away from a horrible situation. The very next morning at 830 on the dot I showed up in the recruiting office. The Marines were the ones in the office and so I went with them. I went down did my testing and was approved. Three days later I shipped out to Paris Island. I thought I was so lucky… I had no freaking clue what I was in for!
I made it through boot and I made it through MCT. I had so much hope that I was going somewhere in life. I felt like I had a new chance but then I got to my MOS school. I went out for drinks with my classmates. I had more than I should have which I didn’t realize because I had never been a drinker. I was brought up in a bible thumping home. I got up to go to the bathroom and didn’t realize that a fellow classmate was following me. He forced his way into the bathroom shoved me down started punching and hitting me till I was on my back. He ripped my pants down and raped me. Then he started to say hateful things to me horrible things that I can’t bring myself to share. He spit on me called me a whore and left me crying on the bathroom floor. I somehow managed to compose myself. That was one time in my life I was thankful I had been beaten all my life. I was able to fall back into survival mode and appear everything was normal. I dressed my self as best as I could being that my jeans were broken. I called for a cab and went outside to wait. My rapist had the nerve to come outside touch my shoulder and ask me if I was okay… like he didn’t do anything wrong. I managed to calmly say yes I am fine. Once again thank god for those beatings because it allowed to remain composed. They allowed me to know how to survive in scary situations where I feared for my life.
I got on base and went directly to the SNCOIC and told her what had happened to me. She literally laughed in my face started making fun of me saying things like don’t come bitching to me because you had sex and changed your mind. I just stood there staring at her. I couldn’t believe she was saying these things to me. Oh she made all kinds of fun of me and enjoyed it sent me to my room and told me not to leave. I thought perhaps the MPs were coming or a higher SNCO, but no one ever came. The next morning, my Gunny came to me and asked me what had happened. I told her and 2 days later, I was brought before the FSGT for conduct unbecoming of a Marine and for lying to an investigating official. They NJPed me! My rapist? Not a damn thing! Not only that they didn’t even seperate us.
Every single effing day for 3 months straight he tortured me and tormented me. He spread all kinds of rumors about me to every person in that place. Before long, I had no friends and was labeled a whore and liar by the FSGT who would not allow me to have weekend liberty. You know because a sh*tbag like me didn’t deserve it. They put me on every sh*t detail they could find. They called ahead to my new unit and told them that I was a whore, liar, and troublemaker. As soon as I got there the CO called me in his office and said I know how your kind is and I don’t want any trouble from you. Of course it didn’t matter I got NJPed 2 more times. Once for smoking my NCO told me I didn’t get a break like the rest of my squad which of course he didn’t tell me until I had already lit up. I didn’t get it put out quick enough for him. The second time, it was because they hazed me in the field for several hours straight and I finally looked at them and said eff you I am done playing your game. I know what you are doing and I know it’s wrong and I will go to the IG over it. The next morning guess who was in the CO’s office again getting NJPed? Yep me. I started drinking all the time. I didn’t care anymore. I would even come to formation so drunk other Marines would literally have to hold me up. I drank the majority of my time in the Corps away. It was easy to ignore the remarks when I was too numb to care. There was one man who was also a Marine who cared enough to try to help me and as luck would have it we ended up together and married.
I was discharged from the Corps with a “personality disorder” I got some disability but the VA refused to acknowledge that I was raped, but they offered me free rape counseling services! Thanks VA that was awesome not. My rapist got away with it and was allowed to continue serving. I am angry so very angry! I am mad at my parents and I am mad at my rapists and most of all I am made at the officials who covered it up and the VA for helping them! I feel like screaming this is MY life you screwed up how can you not care what you all did to me?!!! Yea I get it I shouldn’t have been drinking, but that doesn’t give him the right to beat me down and rape me or ruin my life and ruin who I was and what I have become now. I wish I had a happy ending, but there are no happy endings for stories like mine. I never got justice instead I was tortured and victimized for 2 years. Then discarded like a piece of trash. I still have the scars on the inside and I know and have accepted that I will never be normal again.